last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
