I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
