I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
