True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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