Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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