I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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