I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
