I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
