"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
