No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize