based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
