no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
