I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
