i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
not ubering you a puppy
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
