its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
