You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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