I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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