It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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