when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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