Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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