...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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