do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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