So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
