Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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