If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
