I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
