about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
