clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
