Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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