If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
