I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the liver wants what the liver wants
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
