I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
