Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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