In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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