she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
