I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
