you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i drank out of a bidet.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
