so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
