I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
