doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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