Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
