I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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