Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
