I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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