My balls are so social today.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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