you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just had sex on a roof
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
