i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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