I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
