Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My life is pants optional.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
