There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
