I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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