Apparently you make a good broom.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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