So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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