I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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