My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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