He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
