She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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