he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
