Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
