based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
