The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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