Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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