Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
