how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
