11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
