This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How does one acquire holy water?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
