Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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