So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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